Overwhelmed by reality

There is a feeling many of us carry but rarely admit: life seems to be out of control. We have too much to do, too many decisions to make and a persistent suspicion that everyone else is managing better. Even people who appear to have it all worked out echo this sentiment. A flourishing career does not necessarily resolve the challenges of parenting, relationships or what to do when the dishwasher breaks.

“Most successful people are just a walking anxiety disorder, harnessed for productivity.”
– Andrew Wilkinson, entrepreneur and author of Never Enough

In the face of so much uncertainty, our natural response is to try to gain more control. We seek out a better system or a clearer path, believing that one day we will find a definitive answer. Yet, this fruitless search for meaning often holds us back from living the life in front of us. What if the answer is not to outrun our limitations, but to embrace them?

There will always be too much to do

An 80-year lifespan spans roughly 4,000 weeks. The number of things we will strive to achieve in that time will inevitably be far greater than the time available. Worthwhile projects are left unfinished and interesting opportunities unexplored.

The efficiency trap implies that greater personal productivity cannot solve this mismatch. Attempts to clear an overflowing email inbox can only generate more replies to your replies. The result is that we become busier and more overwhelmed than before.

Artificial intelligence (AI) has the potential to amplify this trap. AI agents may free us from routine work, but the pressure to fill this gained time with ‘human-centric’ work is heightened.

Ultimately, the concept of ‘clearing the decks’ is flawed; it is a Sisyphean task because the deck will always fill up again. The belief that we can ever gain control of our to-do lists is misguided.

“What makes it unbearable is your mistaken belief that it can be cured.”
– Joko Beck, author of Everyday Zen

Rather than tying ourselves up in knots looking for a cure, we can liberate ourselves by acknowledging that not everything can be done. By prioritising important tasks and accepting that other demands will remain unmet, we can focus on what is really worth doing.

You are a kayak, not a superyacht

We might all imagine ourselves as captains of our own ships, navigating to a predetermined destination. Yet, the reality of human life is much closer to paddling a kayak: being carried forward on the river of time, unable to see whether rapids or tranquil waters lie beyond the next bend.

While time can’t be paused, we are not powerless. We have agency and can respond to what is happening in the moment, but we cannot make reality follow a script: a tightly scheduled day will almost always be frustrated by interruptions.

It’s easy to assume that living with this level of uncertainty is a modern phenomenon. But in his 1939 essay Learning in Wartime, C. S. Lewis stressed that “Human life has always been living on the edge of a precipice”.

This may not seem reassuring, but the therapeutic thought is that humans have always coped with adversity. Our psychological resources have served us well thus far, so we need not fear they will suddenly fail us.

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
– Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor, 161-180

This, right here, is real life

One of the ironies of life, is that we constantly set aside the things we really want to do until the time is right, only to find that the right time never comes and that we miss the chance to pursue what we value.

Conversely, we exert an inordinate amount of energy trying to keep up. We fear failing to keep up with the relentless pace of change will see us left permanently behind. But trying to keep up with everything is another form of endless postponement: there always seems to be something new to catch up with.

Technological innovation highlights the conflict between achieving something meaningful and the desire to keep up. Here, the Amish offer a helpful lesson. Their approach to technology is often misunderstood as wholesale rejection, but it is more nuanced. Many Amish communities assess technologies against their values: cars may weaken community cohesion, whereas carpentry tools can support their work. This principle can be applied to our own goals. Ask whether technology can help me achieve something I consider important, or am I adopting it because I am afraid of being left behind?

The reality of living with limited time and imperfect control is unavoidable. But we can better manage our time by letting go of the impossible belief that life can be mastered. We do not need to know how every chapter unfolds. Instead, we can prioritise what deserves our attention now, respond to what happens next and, when the path is unclear, do the next necessary thing.